I was recently asked what my “epiphany” was that inspired me to start getting serious about
losing weight. I didn’t have an immediate answer but I’ve been thinking about it and my
weight loss journey which inspired me to write it down.
losing weight. I didn’t have an immediate answer but I’ve been thinking about it and my
weight loss journey which inspired me to write it down.
The first time I was ever told to lose weight was in second grade. My mom took me to
a dietitian at Mayo Clinic who gave me a list of food I should eat. It was set up
like a traffic light; the good food was in green, the okay food was in yellow, and
I couldn’t eat anything in the red. We then proceeded to start buying food in
the green circle for me to eat while the rest of my family ate ‘normally.’ Eight
year old me was jealous, stopped eating, and started sneaking downstairs
to eat the cookie dough rolls behind the lazy-boy. Eventually we
stopped trying this, I’m not sure why we stopped but I only recall a
few months of this and not liking kiwi.
a dietitian at Mayo Clinic who gave me a list of food I should eat. It was set up
like a traffic light; the good food was in green, the okay food was in yellow, and
I couldn’t eat anything in the red. We then proceeded to start buying food in
the green circle for me to eat while the rest of my family ate ‘normally.’ Eight
year old me was jealous, stopped eating, and started sneaking downstairs
to eat the cookie dough rolls behind the lazy-boy. Eventually we
stopped trying this, I’m not sure why we stopped but I only recall a
few months of this and not liking kiwi.
My eating habits didn’t change and the only physical exercise I got were on days when we
had gym class (even then I barely exerted myself because I hated it). So I kept eating badly
and ballooning. Of course I was made fun of and of course it hurt. I hated the way I looked
and instead of doing anything about it, I turned to food for comfort. “You feel like shit? Ok.
Here have a Reese’s or this entire bag of chips.” These are my kryptonite and it is still
very hard for me to say no.
had gym class (even then I barely exerted myself because I hated it). So I kept eating badly
and ballooning. Of course I was made fun of and of course it hurt. I hated the way I looked
and instead of doing anything about it, I turned to food for comfort. “You feel like shit? Ok.
Here have a Reese’s or this entire bag of chips.” These are my kryptonite and it is still
very hard for me to say no.
My junior year of high school I started trying to ‘lose weight’ and that resulted in me
deciding to not eat lunch. I figured if nobody saw me eating they would stop making fun
of me. Nope. They still called me a cow. My best friend at the time started getting
scared and called my mom to tell her that I wasn’t eating lunch. They were all concerned
but I told them I was just trying to lose some weight and I figured starving myself during
the day and just eating dinner was the way to do it. It wasn’t. I didn’t know any
better and gorging myself on huge portions at night wasn’t healthy and I know that now.
deciding to not eat lunch. I figured if nobody saw me eating they would stop making fun
of me. Nope. They still called me a cow. My best friend at the time started getting
scared and called my mom to tell her that I wasn’t eating lunch. They were all concerned
but I told them I was just trying to lose some weight and I figured starving myself during
the day and just eating dinner was the way to do it. It wasn’t. I didn’t know any
better and gorging myself on huge portions at night wasn’t healthy and I know that now.
When I got to RCTC, I started losing a little bit of weight. I was a little more active but my
eating habits didn’t change. I was in my first relationship in 2009 and that was when I
was truly motivated to start working on my weight for the first time. I used to believe that
nobody would ever fall in love with me for the way I looked and so I figured why bother
trying to get serious about losing weight until I had a significant other because they liked
me for me and not the way I looked. Part of my reasoning for finally wanting to start
working on my weight was because I never wanted to be a fat bride...did I want to
marry this guy? NO! THE. LOGIC. DID. NOT. EXIST! So, I started dating
this guy and started working out at home in my room, in private because god
forbid a fat girl go to the gym. I have no idea how much I might have lost cuz
I never weighed myself. When he dumped me I stopped exercising and turned
back to food to comfort me.
eating habits didn’t change. I was in my first relationship in 2009 and that was when I
was truly motivated to start working on my weight for the first time. I used to believe that
nobody would ever fall in love with me for the way I looked and so I figured why bother
trying to get serious about losing weight until I had a significant other because they liked
me for me and not the way I looked. Part of my reasoning for finally wanting to start
working on my weight was because I never wanted to be a fat bride...did I want to
marry this guy? NO! THE. LOGIC. DID. NOT. EXIST! So, I started dating
this guy and started working out at home in my room, in private because god
forbid a fat girl go to the gym. I have no idea how much I might have lost cuz
I never weighed myself. When he dumped me I stopped exercising and turned
back to food to comfort me.
At the UofM, my weight fluctuated a lot. I felt like I was losing a little bit of weight during
my two semesters when I had a dance class...gee I wonder why? I wasn’t looking for a
significant other at the time, I was still emotionally broken so I wasn’t working on my
weight. My brother and I had a lot of Ben and Jerry’s during this time, the
mini-mart in our building sold the pints and it was easy to walk 50 feet to
get them.
my two semesters when I had a dance class...gee I wonder why? I wasn’t looking for a
significant other at the time, I was still emotionally broken so I wasn’t working on my
weight. My brother and I had a lot of Ben and Jerry’s during this time, the
mini-mart in our building sold the pints and it was easy to walk 50 feet to
get them.
I progressively got lazier and fatter during grad school. By this point I had already
resigned myself to never being on stage professionally, I had been repeatedly told by
professors that I wasn’t good enough and too fat to be an actress and that I should
focus on directing and/or stage managing. I lived by myself in grad school and would
make giant portions of food, most dinners I would eat half and then put the rest in a
tupperware for lunch. In reality, I should have split it up into thirds. My consumption of
carbonated beverages increased as well. I was tired and stressed so I wasn’t sleeping
well and there were vending machines full of Mountain Dew everywhere. I’d have 1 or
2 bottles a day along with my water consumption. My knees were in so much pain it got
to the point where I stopped using the stairs in the Performing Arts Center. We had two
floors and I was too tired, too winded, and too embarrassed to walk up and down the
stairs so I used the elevator. For one of the shows that I stage managed, I made my
assistant stage manager walk up and down the flights of stairs to give calls so I
didn’t have to.
resigned myself to never being on stage professionally, I had been repeatedly told by
professors that I wasn’t good enough and too fat to be an actress and that I should
focus on directing and/or stage managing. I lived by myself in grad school and would
make giant portions of food, most dinners I would eat half and then put the rest in a
tupperware for lunch. In reality, I should have split it up into thirds. My consumption of
carbonated beverages increased as well. I was tired and stressed so I wasn’t sleeping
well and there were vending machines full of Mountain Dew everywhere. I’d have 1 or
2 bottles a day along with my water consumption. My knees were in so much pain it got
to the point where I stopped using the stairs in the Performing Arts Center. We had two
floors and I was too tired, too winded, and too embarrassed to walk up and down the
stairs so I used the elevator. For one of the shows that I stage managed, I made my
assistant stage manager walk up and down the flights of stairs to give calls so I
didn’t have to.
After graduation I moved back home and got fatter and fatter. I do not actually know
what my highest weight was but I remember being weighed around that time at
450 pounds. I was probably bigger but there is a record of that weight at Mayo.
I hated myself. I hated that I was giving up. I was in my late twenties, working a
few part time jobs, living with my parents, didn’t have any friends, and decided that
I was just going to live in Rochester for the rest of my life doing community theatre.
During this time I realized that I was addicted to caffeine so I made the decision to
start cutting it out. I started weaning myself off of all pop and stopped drinking
Chai Tea (the sadder of the two). My migraines weren’t as constant and I started
feeling a smidge better about myself. Step 1 of turning my life around had
happened.
what my highest weight was but I remember being weighed around that time at
450 pounds. I was probably bigger but there is a record of that weight at Mayo.
I hated myself. I hated that I was giving up. I was in my late twenties, working a
few part time jobs, living with my parents, didn’t have any friends, and decided that
I was just going to live in Rochester for the rest of my life doing community theatre.
During this time I realized that I was addicted to caffeine so I made the decision to
start cutting it out. I started weaning myself off of all pop and stopped drinking
Chai Tea (the sadder of the two). My migraines weren’t as constant and I started
feeling a smidge better about myself. Step 1 of turning my life around had
happened.
A theatre friend told me about the apprentice program at the Commonweal and on a
whim I applied. Three weeks later I was in my interview, three days later I was
told that I got the job, and two weeks laterI moved. This was one of the best things
to ever happen to me.
whim I applied. Three weeks later I was in my interview, three days later I was
told that I got the job, and two weeks laterI moved. This was one of the best things
to ever happen to me.
My Commonweal year and half was full of challenges, new friendships, discoveries,
but most importantlyI had my epiphany. There was a lot of physical activity while
at the Commonweal; walking to the theatre, changeovers, strikes, builds, front of
house, theatre cleans, and classes. It was physically difficult at first but every day
I got more and more energy. I started going for walks along the Root River a couple
of nights a week. It was on one of these walks that I stopped dead in my tracks and
realized that I had to lose weight for me...not because society told me I had to,
not because some doctor told me I had to, not because my grandparents told me
I had, not because I had to do it in order to find a significant other, but because I
wanted to. I was done feeling sorry for myself. I started eating better, going for walks,
and, for the first time in my life, I started putting myself first.
but most importantlyI had my epiphany. There was a lot of physical activity while
at the Commonweal; walking to the theatre, changeovers, strikes, builds, front of
house, theatre cleans, and classes. It was physically difficult at first but every day
I got more and more energy. I started going for walks along the Root River a couple
of nights a week. It was on one of these walks that I stopped dead in my tracks and
realized that I had to lose weight for me...not because society told me I had to,
not because some doctor told me I had to, not because my grandparents told me
I had, not because I had to do it in order to find a significant other, but because I
wanted to. I was done feeling sorry for myself. I started eating better, going for walks,
and, for the first time in my life, I started putting myself first.
Post Commonweal I continued to drop the weight, went for long walks during my
brief time at home, again. I started cooking all of our meals at home and when we
did eat out I would watch my portions and order healthier food. Then I met Genie
and she helped to teach me even more about living a healthy lifestyle. When I moved
in with her we started doing dailies together; pushups, kettlebell squats, planks, etc.
Little things, but it was enough to keep me moving...not too mention the many walks
with the goodest girl. Genie continues to teach me about healthy living and I am
so grateful for her. We recently started working out here and I have started jogging.
That’s right, I, Amanda Pyfferoen, am jogging. WHO AM I???
brief time at home, again. I started cooking all of our meals at home and when we
did eat out I would watch my portions and order healthier food. Then I met Genie
and she helped to teach me even more about living a healthy lifestyle. When I moved
in with her we started doing dailies together; pushups, kettlebell squats, planks, etc.
Little things, but it was enough to keep me moving...not too mention the many walks
with the goodest girl. Genie continues to teach me about healthy living and I am
so grateful for her. We recently started working out here and I have started jogging.
That’s right, I, Amanda Pyfferoen, am jogging. WHO AM I???
I used to have a goal size that I wanted to get down to, that was 16. I thought I would
be happy as a 16. I’m currently at a 20/22 shirt wise and a 22/24 pants wise...
at least that’s my guess cuz sizes are very different in Thailand. Seeing what I’ve
accomplished over the past three years however has made me think that I can do
more. I don’t have an ideal weight but a range between 150 and 180 seems very doable to me.
It seems very scary to me but I’ve already lost more than that so I know that
I can do it.
Here’s what I’ve learned from losing weight: 1. It’s about you and nobody else - you have to be the one who is choosing to
make these changes in your life
2. You have to keep moving forward - there are going to be rough days,
have them, but then pick yourself back up and keep moving forward
3. I am still fat and that is hard to deal with some days cuz society still sees
me as a fat person and treats me as such - I know I shouldn’t care about what
other people think and believe me when I say that I am working on that
4. It takes time - I used to want instant results and have now learned that you
have to have patience and do little things every day over time
5. Build a support system - surround yourself with people who are proud of you,
who remind you of how far you’ve come on days when you only see what still
remains, and who love you unconditionally
6. Don’t get angry at yourself 7. It’s called a journey for a reason 8. I’m still me - just with a little more confidence 9. All weight loss and body image issues are valid ...whether you are a size 38 or
a size 8, if you are unhappy with the way you look those feelings are valid!
Body positivity should be with every size! Everybody can have fat days.
10. I don’t want pity from this I only wanted to share my journey - please do not
compare your journey with mine, they are not the same!
be happy as a 16. I’m currently at a 20/22 shirt wise and a 22/24 pants wise...
at least that’s my guess cuz sizes are very different in Thailand. Seeing what I’ve
accomplished over the past three years however has made me think that I can do
more. I don’t have an ideal weight but a range between 150 and 180 seems very doable to me.
It seems very scary to me but I’ve already lost more than that so I know that
I can do it.
Here’s what I’ve learned from losing weight: 1. It’s about you and nobody else - you have to be the one who is choosing to
make these changes in your life
2. You have to keep moving forward - there are going to be rough days,
have them, but then pick yourself back up and keep moving forward
3. I am still fat and that is hard to deal with some days cuz society still sees
me as a fat person and treats me as such - I know I shouldn’t care about what
other people think and believe me when I say that I am working on that
4. It takes time - I used to want instant results and have now learned that you
have to have patience and do little things every day over time
5. Build a support system - surround yourself with people who are proud of you,
who remind you of how far you’ve come on days when you only see what still
remains, and who love you unconditionally
6. Don’t get angry at yourself 7. It’s called a journey for a reason 8. I’m still me - just with a little more confidence 9. All weight loss and body image issues are valid ...whether you are a size 38 or
a size 8, if you are unhappy with the way you look those feelings are valid!
Body positivity should be with every size! Everybody can have fat days.
10. I don’t want pity from this I only wanted to share my journey - please do not
compare your journey with mine, they are not the same!
